India v England – live!

India v England – live!

Due to the BCCI's restrictions on agency photographers at the current series the Guardian is not using live images from the Test so here's Jimmy Anderson after a five-for back in the day. No doubt we've cursed the poor blighter now. Sorry. Photograph: Tom Jenkins

35th over: England 95-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 68, Compton 27) "Don't worry Rob, not all of us are in St Lucia/Barbados/Timbuktu," says Guy Hornsby. "It's ruddy freezing in Walthamstow, i'm hungover for the second day in a row, and for 15 mins I was wondering if I could get away with working from home today (so reading OBO & listening to TMS). Can you sign my sicknote please?"

Legal Disclaimer: guardian.co.uk does not condone skiving from work, unless we too are hungover and there's cricket on.

34th over: England 94-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 67, Compton 27) Cook and Compton have started to take a few sharp singles, putting India's geriatricos under pressure. Four from Ojha's over.

33rd over: England 90-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 64, Compton 26) That's another fine stroke from Cook, a cover-drive for four off the increasingly frustrated Ashwin. The outfield here is lightning.

"No, no, some of us OBOers can well recall spinners like Illingworth, Titmus, Underwood and so on, so when the brash pair of Emburey and Edmonds came along they were a bit of a surprise," says John Starbuck. "Mind you, Mrs Edmonds did write a couple of pretty good tour books, and I don't remember many by other cricketers' wives."

32nd over: England 86-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 60, Compton 26) "I don't read the records but you can just tell Cook is better since being captain," says Jeremy Bunting. "Such confidence." True, although we shouldn't assume it will always be like this. Almost all the England captains of the last 30 years have had a spike in their batting average during the first 6-12 months of their tenure before the whole thing starts to grind them down.

31st over: England 84-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 59, Compton 25) It'll be spin from both ends for the first time, with Ashwin replacing Zaheer. He goes around the wicket to Compton, and his first ball brings an appeal for both LBW (Outside the line) and a catch at short leg (it came off the pad). Cook then takes a hairy single to mid-off – and gets five for it when Yuvraj's throw goes to the boundary.

"At this crucial juncture, I am leaving you for the forests of Istanbul, to forage for wild mushrooms," says Rob Lewis. "Hoping to find chanterelles, but would settle for some hedgehogs (as in hedgehog mushrooms) and some black mushrooms – which the Spanish call Trumpets of Death rather portentously, but misleadingly. Excellent in omelettes."

30th over: England 77-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 53, Compton 24) Ojha moves around the wicket to Cook, who laps him carefully for a couple before being beaten by a quicker ball that zips past his attempted cut.

"I am sure I am the only OBOer old enough cough cough to remember Phil Edmonds (who else) being sponsored by Swatch to wear a watch with a white wrist strap whilst bowling," says John Tumbridge. "I am relatively sure he got told off about it whilst bowling for England at the Oval in the early 1980s
It must be true, it's all here."

29th over: England 74-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 51, Compton 23) In October 2012, Alastair Cook's Test average was 42.78. It's now 49.73. That's the highest it's been since 2006.

28th over: England 74-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 51, Compton 23) Compton jumps out of his bunker, running down the pitch to dump Ojha over long-on for six. He didn't quite get there but went through the shot and dragged it over the ropes.

"After years grumpily reading emails sent in by OBOers in exotic locations while stuck in the office I am overjoyed the boot is on the other foot for once," writes Olly Horne. "I'm currently on the lovely beach at Mirissa in Sri Lanka with my wife, cheering (inwardly) every run with a cold beer – clouds here at the moment but that's ok, it's still in the high 20s and there's a bird in the tree behind us cawing 'oh my god' every 30 seconds. Ton here for Compton I hope." I hate you. I hate you all.

27th over: England 67-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 50, Compton 17) Cook pushes an attempted yorker from Zaheer back whence it came for four, and then a sharp single takes him to an inevitable half-century, his 30th in Tests. He was dropped on 17 but has otherwise played beautifully.

26th over: England 62-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 45, Compton 17) Pragyan Ojha comes into the attack for the first time, replacing R Ashwin. He has a slip and short leg for Compton, who comes down the track for the final delivery but can't get it away. A maiden, the ninth of the innings.

"Compton's starting to look edgy," says Harry Tuttle. "He can clearly get in, but there's a gear-change missing so far. Third match of a series, I wonder if he's starting to feel hemmed in. I'd be amazed if he made a big score here, though conversely I can see him surviving this session. He needs to be able to assert himself if he's to become a fixture as an opener and not just a placeholder while the likes of Chopra and Hales bring on their own game." He does need to expand his game at this level but I'd be inclined to cut him a fair bit of slack. India away is a heck of a tour for a batsman to make his debut, even an experienced one, and he's done pretty well so far. In fact his average has just crept past 40, and only Cook, Pujara and Gambhir have faced more balls in the series. His temperament looks excellent.

25th over: England 62-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 45, Compton 17) Cook is treating Zaheer with the utmost respect, which means another maiden, and drinks. I hate to break it to you, but England are in a fantastic position here. "Enjoying a late lunch here in Mosto, Beijing, (what a find)," says Hugh Mainwairing. "Reading, as I am news of Captain Cook's six in the 20th. Lovely."

24th over: England 62-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 45, Compton 17) One from Ashwin's over. India look a little flat in the field, although a wicket – particularly that of Cook – would change the mood dramatically.

23rd over: England 61-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 44, Compton 17) Zaheer Khan comes back on for Ishant Sharma. India desperately need him to reverse the momentum of this match. He has a strangled shout for LBW against Compton, who whips around a reverse inswinger. There was an inside edge and it was going down anyway.

22nd over: England 60-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 43, Compton 17) The runs continue to flow for Cook, who inside edges Ashwin round the corner for four. After scoring 18 from his first 49 balls, Cook has added 25 from the last 23. This falls squarely under stating the bleedin' obvious, but he is really bloody good.

21st over: England 54-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 38, Compton 16) Sharma is a touch too straight and Cook times him through midwicket for four more. India paid a big price for dropping a run-hungry Essex opener in 1990 and, while Cook isn't going to make 333 here, he does look in the mood and form to punish Pujara for putting him down on 17.

"You are definitely in the wrong time zone for doing the OBO, Rob," says Jonathan Siu. "Since I moved from the UK to Asia and then Australia, it's so much easier to follow England unless they are playing in the Caribbean. Away Tests are during the day here, so if you are at work you can follow via the OBO or on weekends on the telly. And Tests in England usually start around 7pm here, just in time for you to get home from work, put on your slacks, and dig in for the next seven hours and fall asleep on the sofa. And it's 30 degrees most of the time too!"

20th over: England 50-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 34, Compton 16) Crikey. Cook runs down the track to Ashwin and chips him lazily over long-on for six. That was a stroke of such elegance and authority. The way Cook adds layer after layer to his game is enormously impressive. There are few more resourceful players in world cricket.

"I'm grinding this one out at my desk with a bag of Skittles," says Daniel Cullen. "Going at one skittle per run. That cover drive from Cook was a serious mouthful, mind you." What's that you say? I can't hear you very well; sounds like your mouth is full.

19th over: England 42-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 27, Compton 15) A wide half-volley from Sharma gets the requisite treatment from Cook, who drives it classically through extra cover for four. That's his sixth boundary of the innings.

18th over: England 38-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 23, Compton 15) R Ashwin comes on for Zaheer (8-2-21-0). Cook sweeps firmly off middle stump for four and then runs down the track to drive a single to mid off. Compton thick-edges an arm ball for four to make it nine from the over, just what England needed.

17th over: England 29-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 18, Compton 11) Sharma is swinging it back into the right-handed Compton – not big swing, but enough to ensure that Compton's focus is almost entirely defensive. England will need to work out some scoring options at some stage but I assume they will cross that bridge when the spinners come on.

"Is international cricket the sport most likely to bring on sleep deprivation in its followers?" says Sam. "With most sports, at least some of the major tournaments will occur in convenient (or semi-convenient) time zones. With cricket, we're all over the bloody place: Australia (which has three time zones of its own), New Zealand, South Africa (fine for the UK, I guess), the
subcontinent, the Caribbean... all bloody inconvenient for waking-hours following. Although from an Aussie point of view, New Zealand is moderately agreeable." The short, and indeed long, answer is: yep. It's a beautiful thing, though. No other sport would give you the chance to hide under a duvet at 4am on a Monday morning listening to a batsman grind out 61 from 249 balls. You can't buy life experiences like that.

16th over: England 29-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 18, Compton 11) Cook cuts Zaheer for a single to get off strike. That's definitely the best way to play Zaheer at the moment. Compton defends the rest of the over. England are batting time, a sensible approach in the circumstances.

"As I can't see moving pictures of this game in my current location, and I can't look at still pictures either, due to the BCCI, could you tell me if there are any other Twin Peaks lookalikes on display in Kolkata?" says my colleague Steve Busfield. "Does Finland's Steve Finn look a little like Agent Cooper? Or any that look like that other Twin Peak Fenn, Sherilyn, out there?" Ian Bell?

15th over: England 27-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 10) This is a tricky spell for England, with Sharma also getting a little bit of a reverse. He bowls a maiden to Compton.

"In all the innings so far Panesar has out-bowled (overs, wickets and economy) Swann," says Simon Brereton, "so if they proceed with just one spinner why not just Panesar? Is this the passing of the torch? Or just a symptom of that elbow?" Monty has improved so much but I still think Swann is a slightly better bowler. And even if the entire top seven were right-handers, Swann's batting and particularly his slip catching put him ahead of Monty.

14th over: England 27-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 10) This is definitely reversing for Zaheer, who is shaping it back into Cook. England will just want to see off Zaheer without losing any wickets – but they should have lost one then! Cook has been dropped by Pujara at first slip! He pushed with stiff wrists at a good delivery that went low to Pujara. He got his hands under the ball but couldn't hold on. That was a pretty straightforward chance as slip catches go, because the ball went relatively slowly. That was an outstanding over from Zaheer.

"Just a quick query before I duck behind the sofa again," says Harry Tuttle. "Has Monty always worn a watch while fielding? Has anyone else? Presumably it's allowed. Can't remember seeing mention of it in Tom Smith." Haven't a clue. Hope this helps!

13th over: England 26-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 9) Before this match, Bumble promised to show his backside on Blackburn Boulevard if there was pace and bounce in this pitch. The sensitive souls who populate Blackburn Boulevard, as Bumble has just reminded us, ar safe. Mind you, apparently Bumble once said that "if Nathan Astle is a better bowler than Graham Thorpe, my backside's a fire engine". Astle took 154 international wickets to Thorpe's two. So if you have a fire, dial 999-BUMBLE. Anyway, back out in the middle, Cook is beaten twice by Sharma, the second a cracker that is angled across Cook and moves further off the seam. A maiden.

"Sick of reading whinging Twitter updates from disgruntled hacks about how appalling the conditions are in the Eden Gardens press box," says Phil White. "How would they cope at GU Towers on a freezing Thursday morning?" Haha, very good.

12th over: England 26-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 9) Zaheer Khan starts the afternoon session with a poor delivery on the pads of Nick Compton, who flicks it crisply through square leg for his first boundary. He's beaten next ball, drawn towards a wider outswinger. That was reverse rather than orthodox swing, and Zaheer's mastery of reverse swing is surely India's main weapon for the rest of the day.

"Sleep deprivation causes hearing hallucinations doesn't it ..." begins Adam Hirst, "or did David Lloyd really say in the lunch break about Monty that 'he's not got twatted'?" You're right: sleep deprivation does cause hearing hallucinations – I've just checked and he said 'clattered'. Go to bed. Think of me. Let me clarify that: think of me and my sleep deprivation while you're enjoying some shuteye. Nobody ever calls it closeye, do they.

LUNCH

11th over: England 22-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 5) Sharma switches ends for the last over before lunch. Nothing happens. It's been a good morning for England, who trail by 294 runs –Cook can get those on his own – and have a tantalising opportunity to take control of this match. See you in half an hour for the afternoon session.

10th over: England 21-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 4) R "R" Ashwin comes on for Sharma. He'll probably only have time for one over before lunch. There's a short leg and slip for Cook, who has one eye on the clock and defends carefully. A maiden, the fourth of the innings.

"Your second over musings remind me of a theory I used to have that could still hold water," says Paul Tooby. "On the first date, you should ask what sort of engagement ring she'd like. This is because on the first date, there's absolutely no way you'd be considering a proposal, so it's a safe moment to find out for potential future reference. By the time you're working out when and how to pop the question (so at least date seven or eight) you can't do any such ring research because it would alert her to your plan. This theory would be foolproof if women didn't scare so bloody easily. I am in fact married, believe it or not, although I never did use my theory." Surely if you ask that on a first date you might as well also negotiate the specific terms of the restraining order?

9th over: England 21-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 4) Zaheer switches back over the wicket to Compton, trying to make something happen with this unhelpful new ball. There's a hint of swing back into Compton, which is a good sign for India. It's a maiden. Apart from that race to the finish line in Mumbai, Compton has been pretty cautious in this series: 9 from 53 balls, 37 from 128, 29 from 90, 30 from 28 and now 4 from 28.

"I can't let that Rushmore reference slide," says Alex Coe. "Whilst I have every respect for the OBOs sterling work in advocating some cult movies, this support of Rushmore will not stand. Am I alone in thinking it was the cinematic equivalent of reading a YouTube comments section – i.e. alternately weird, irrelevant or just plain incomprehensible?" Best film ever man.

8th over: England 21-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 17, Compton 4) Cook leaves the face of the bat ajar to steer Sharma to the third-man boundary. As ever when things are going pretty well for England's batsmen in Asia, you wonder what the catch is, or when the catch will be. For now they look comfortable.

"Can we have a huge Congratulations/Thank you/Well done! to Finn for finding such a nice way to kick-start the celebrations of Finland's Independence Day today?" says the disconcertingly chirpy Sara Torvalds. "Of course, his getting MS Dhoni's wicket won't even register with most of my (or his?) fellow Finns, but in the extremely tiny world of Finns for Finn, I find it eminently suitable. For the rest of Finns, celebrations tend to focus on watching the live broadcast of the President's Ball (we look at the gowns, mostly, to see if there's anything as interesting as this. In this day and age, you don't need to find a TV set in Finland to watch the Ball, you can go here for a link at the bottom of the page. Because by then the cricket will be over for the day."

7th over: England 17-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 13, Compton 4) Compton is constructing his innings in the classical opener's style, on a need-to-play basis. Zaheer switches around the wicket in an attempt to make him play at more deliveries, and squares him up with a nice piece of bowling. What a fine bowler he is; "a sly old fox" as Beefy puts it on Sky. In the unlikely event we have any readers in India, or any Indian readers elsewhere, would Zaheer get in an all-time XI alongside Kapil Dev and Javagal Srinath? Or is the place taken by Paras Mhambrey?

"I definitely married the right girl," writes Matthew. "Fifteen minutes before midnight here and she wanted to know more about cricket. I, however, may not be the best teacher as my diagrams and pointing to the TV seem to have put her to sleep."

6th over: England 17-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 13, Compton 4) Sharma has dismissed Cook six times in Tests – nobody has done so more often – and now he gets his first bowl at him. There's a strangled shout for LBW from a ball that pitched well outside leg stump. In fact there's a pattern among those who have dismissed Cook five times or more in Tests: they're all bowlers. Honk. They're mostly tall fast bowlers who jag the ball off the seam.

5th over: England 16-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 13, Compton 3) Cook helps a poor delivery from Zaheer to fine leg for four. So far, so serene for England. There are around 25 minutes to lunch.

4th over: England 10-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 8, Compton 2)Ishant Sharma looks a bit like Killer BOB from Twin Peaks. Okay, he has similar hair. It's 5am, cut me some slack. This is an important Test for Sharma, who hasn't quite developed as we expected after that majestic spell to Ricky Ponting five years ago. Mind you, this is his 45th Test, which isn't bad for a 24-year-old. He would probably rather bowl to Cook, but for now he is up against Compton. One forward defensive and five leaves equal a maiden.

3rd over: England 10-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 8, Compton 2)This might be the easiest time to bat in the innings, because the ball will reverse later on and then Zaheer in particular will be a threat. For now he is bowling accurately but with little or no lateral movement. Cook, fiddling at a good delivery, gets a thick edge along the ground for four.

"I find myself, once again, suffering from Indiasomnia (noun: 1. Inability to sleep when England tour the subcontinent)," portmanteaus Craig Savage. "Cricket lore, of course, haunts the sufferer, and one particular adage is disturbing my thoughts this morning: one mustn't judge a pitch until both sides have batted. So, sticking with the sleep theme, are we to find England's batsmen in their Ahmeda-bed or will it be India's bowlers who can't get no sleep?" Oof. You were doing so well until that last sentence.

2nd over: England 6-0 (in reply to India's 316; Cook 4, Compton 2)For the first time in the series (I think) MS Dhoni decides to open the bowling with two fast bowlers, Ishant Sharma being the other. I'm afraid I was paying very little attention in that over but the scorecard tells me Nick Compton has two runs.

"Geoffrey on TMS is wheeling out the old 'if you'd offered 316 all out to Cook at the start of play he'd have taken it'," says Alex Coe. "I for one am fed up with this hypothetical nonsense – we should allow the toss losers to nominate a number of runs for the first day and if the opposition accepts it then there you are, everybody's been saved a day or so's play. No? Oh."

Maybe you could use this in real life. Like on a first date. What are you expecting from the date? A kiss? A millisecond's eye contact? A mutual love of Rushmore? If you both have similar desires then you get the kiss/eye contact/Rushmore chat out the way early on so that, like in Annie Hall, you can enjoy the rest of the date.

1st over: England 4-0 (need 117 to avo in reply to India's 316; Cook 4, Compton 0) After five dot balls from Zaheer Khan, Alastair Cook gets off the mark by bread-and-buttering a short, wide delivery past point.

"Is it that late already?" says Adam Hirst. "I've missed the wickets! Gotta stop working so late." You live in Australia, right?

INNINGS BREAK

WICKET! India 316 all out (Dhoni c Swann b Finn 52) Finn comes on for Anderson (28-7-89-3). Dhoni blocks the first four baws and then muscles the fifth through extra cover for four to bring up a very good half-century, a mix of patient defence and almost contemptuous attacking. But now he's gone! The last ball of the over was a superb short delivery from Finn that stalked Dhoni and looped up in the air off the glove. Graeme Swann ran round from slip and dived forward to take a good catch.

So India are all out for 316. England would have taken that this morning, and they'd have gone Faustian for it yesterday morning when they lost the toss. They still have to bat well though. In two weeks' time, we may well look back on the rest of this day as the decisive part of the series.

104th over: India 312-9 (Dhoni 48, Ojha 0) Ojha appears to have a decent defensive technique for a No11. That sentence is not solely a lame attempt to tempt fate; he has just blocked six more deliveries from Swann without alarm. England have bowled four maidens in a row; paradoxically, it is they rather than India who will be getting impatient.

103rd over: India 312-9 (Dhoni 48, Ojha 0) Another maiden from Anderson to Dhoni. Fifteen minutes ago it felt like Dhoni could hit any ball he wanted for six; since then he has made one from 18 balls.

102nd over: India 312-9 (Dhoni 48, Ojha 0) With the left-handed Ojha on strike, Alastair Cook turns to Graeme Swann. That's a smart move and also, with Monty on a five-for, admirably free of sentiment. Ojha actually survives the over comfortably. Why didn't Cook keep Monty on?

"I've already been chastised for not reading yesterday's Spin," says Simon Brereton, "but tonight's dinner discussion revolved around Tendulkar's need to retire after this series. It's painful watching him, a gritty first innings notwithstanding, and I can't help feeling he's doing his legacy and India no favours hanging on. With Ponting gone, the stage is set. (I think he should have gone after that last hundred, but what do I know, eh)?" It would be interesting to know what Tendulkar's motivation is now. Is it one last famous hundred, so that he can go out on a high? Or is he just a cricket addict?

101st over: India 312-9 (Dhoni 48, Ojha 0) Dhoni is compellingly inscrutable and single-minded. He does everything on his own terms. Since bish-boshing Monty for those sixes he has barely considered an attacking stroke, and now he has played out a maiden from Jimmy Anderson.

"Here's a link for a cricket letter in today's Guardian (second letter from top of page)," says Martin Treacy, generously sharing a link to a letter written by, er, Martin Treacy. "Very disrespectful towards our noble leader the good Captain Cook. Outrageous I say, in the old days we'd have horsewhipped the insolent bugger who wrote it."

100th over: India 312-9 (Dhoni 48, Ojha 0) It will be Panesar to continue. Dhoni can't keep hitting him for six, can he? He doesn't try in that over, blocking the first five deliveries before chipping a single to keep the strike. This approach to batting with a No11 is surely preferable to the Steve Waugh approach of taking any runs that are on offer.

99th over: India 311-9 (Dhoni 47, Ojha 0) Dhoni keeps the strike for another over of Monty, unless Alastair Cook decides to give the ball to Steven Finn.

"With this good start to the morning/middle of the night civilisation and good manners surely dictate that I now open a refreshing alcoholic beverage," hics Dean Butler.

98th over: India 309-9 (Dhoni 46, Ojha 0) Magnificent batting from Dhoni, who drives Monty Panesar for consecutive sixes, the first over long off and the second deposited miles over long on. He's basically in finisher mode now. Nobody does it better.

"Thanks for holding the end up, you don't know how much we crave this when we're flung to distant edges of the former empire," says Zaph Mann. "'Hit Parade', heard anew, has a new, almost menacing edge to it rather than the comfy TOTPs familiarity. On the subject of titles, Dandelion Radio, so threatened by our tiny internet radio show IMOJP Show (In Memory of John Peel show) that they delete our Wikipedia entries... so this year the Festive Fifty becomes the Festive Fifty One... tm?"

Surely, in this age of 7.5s in football and other pompous nonsense, you could have the Festive 47.33, in which you play only a third of the 48th song.

97th over: India 297-9 (Dhoni 34, Ojha 0) Dhoni pulls a single off Anderson's last ball to keep the strike. "Sitting at my desk here in Brisbane waiting for the action to start," says David Chapman. "From my office, I can see the floodlights of the 'Gabba, where Cook saved the first Test a few years ago. While discussing India v England with my boss – a man of fearless intellect on the subject of rugby league – yesterday he said 'Kolkata. Is that in the North of England?'."

96th over: India 296-9 (Dhoni 33, Ojha 0) Monty is on a third consecutive five-for here.

WICKET! India 296-9 (Sharma b Panesar 0) Ishant Sharma has a decent defensive technique for a No10. The moment I type that he falls, bowled by Monty Panesar. It was flighted, almost yorker length, and Sharma just missed it. There's your defensive technique! That was a dreadful shot.

95th over: India 296-8 (Dhoni 33, Sharma 0) Dhoni turns down a single early in Anderson's over before pulling a short ball witheringly round the corner for four. There is no better finisher in one-day cricket, which makes him very dangerous in a situation like this. Anderson at least ensures he can't keep the strike for the next over.

"Morning Rob, morning everybody," says Martin Saville. "Unexpectedly up, hoping for three quick wickets, having ingested powerful decongestant tablets not realising they were laced with caffeine. The irony being that although I'm now totally wired, my nose remains thoroughly blocked. It's very clear work is not going to be fun in a few hours' time."

94th over: India 292-8 (Dhoni 29, Sharma 0) That was the last ball of the over. So.

WICKET! India 292-8 (Zaheer LBW b Panesar 6) A textbook post-DRS dismissal for the left-arm spinner. Zaheer pushes forward, outside the line of a ball that straightens just enough to hit the pad in front of middle, and Kumar Dharmasena raises the finger. You would never have got that in 1992, but we live in a different world now. Monty has his third wicket, and he celebrates with more Gangnam clapping or whatever you call it. You definitely didn't have Gangnam clapping in 1992; the hit parade was full of Richard Marx and Charles and Eddie and Tamsin Archer.

93rd over: India 291-7 (Dhoni 28, Zaheer 6) Put the bromance on hold: Swann has dropped Zaheer Khan off Anderson. It was lovely bowling to find the edge of Zaheer's bat, and Swann couldn't hang on to a sharp but essentially straightforward catch at second slip. As Nasser says on SKy, Swann is very close in at second slip; that allowed him to catch Kohli yesterday but it meant this chance came to him really quickly and above waist height. He still should have taken it though. Anderson, radged off, bowls a bouncer next ball that sails over everyone for five wides, and his mood isn't improved any when Zaheer charges the next ball before mowing it through midwicket for four.

92nd over: India 282-7 (Dhoni 28, Zaheer 2) In fact it's Monty Panesar rather than Steven Finn to bowl from the end whose name I don't know and which hasn't appeared on screen yet. Will Dhoni got after him or have a look? He has a look, square driving a single, and Zaheer takes a single off the last ball to keep the strike. Get it above his eyeline.

"The winter monsoon (I have no idea) has lifted and Hong Kong is once again bathed in sunshine and clear blue skies this morning," says Chris Barrett. "Meanwhile, it's time for another slice of that sponge cake and a coffee. Great day's action yesterday. How do you see it panning out? Snatching defeat from the jaws …? I'm not banking on too many early Christmas runs – but the beauty is it could, and probably will, veer either way before the end - so I have ordered my own bottle of Trumper's Eucris cologne." I think – and if this insight doesn't win an award, then the world's gone mad – this is going to be a cracking match. It wouldn't be a surprise if England had to chase around 140-200 on a crumbling pitch. But it's so important that they bat well today when their time comes.

91st over: India 280-7 (Dhoni 27, Zaheer 1) The new ball is only four overs old, so England will start with seam at both ends. Dhoni walks down the track to Anderson's second ball of the day and blasts it brusquely through mid-off for four. Anderson and Dhoni have a long and not entirely amicable chat at the end of the over. England simply cannot afford two hours of Dhoni, who looks in a slightly dangerous mood.

Here's Matthew Hart, who may or may not be high on coffee/cricket/life. "Good Jimmy Good Jimmy Good Jimmy Good Jimmy Good Jimmy Good Jimmy, please." There's only one Jimmy these days. I found a really interesting stat yesterday*; Anderson's economy rate in Tests this year is 2.49. That's almost Ambrosian. Even when he's not taking wickets he generally keeps it tight.

* Vaguely interesting. Look it was a stat, okay?

First email of the morning/night For the last 30 seconds I've been leering at the subject of Paul King's email – "AYWKUBTTOD" – trying to decipher its meaning. I thought it was some subtle satanic instruction; turns out he'ss talking about the hit parade! "I spent yesterday afternoon 'relaxing' to the new compact disc by …And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead. Perhaps you would care to let your millions of readers know that a) they are still going and b) they've ditched the curious mid-career prog rock phase and returned to being the Sonic Youth copyists we all know and love."

Preamble Morning! So what's on your Christmas list? A dog maybe, a little chow? That Alpecin caffeine shampoo that cures baldness*? A pair of socks? Two pairs of socks? Two front teeth? Forget those distractions. All we want for an early Christmas present is first-innings runs. If England get them here in Kolkata – and we are into David Brent 'if' territory there – they will have a fantastic chance of going 2-1 up in this series.

England had an excellent day yesterday, with Jimmy Anderson quite magnificent. (Selve is essential reading on Jimmy's performance. Just don't read the comments unless you want to play fast and loose with your serotonin.) India will resume on 273 for seven, with MS Dhoni still there on 22; he averages a jaunty 193 in Tests on this ground. England will hope to wrap up the innings for no more than 320, certainly no more than 350, and then build a first-innings lead of at least 100 before this pitch goes rogue on days four and five.

It won't be easy, with the ball reversing and occasionally spinning, and a slightly worrying amount depends on Alastair Cook, Kevin Pietersen and Matt Prior. In Asia this year, England's first-innings scores have been a bit all or nothing: 192, 327, 141, 193, 460, 191 and 413. England will make first-innings runs today, but let's be clear about this. There are first-innings runs and first-innings runs. What kind is this to be?

* OBO writer may have slightly misinterpreted the sales spiel. It's 3am, cut us some slack.